A Tribute To Cats

A Tribute To Cats

I love cats. They're spoiled, patronising, arrogant and just plain rude. They come to you at their behest never yours, monopolize your bed and favourite armchair, and will only eat food that costs you a small fortune at the supermarket. They never answer when you call them, (they may however take a message and get back to you later) and think it's their god given right to put you in your place should you leave them alone for any amount of time. You never own a cat, it owns YOU. But, as I said ... I LOVE CATS! ;)

Jemma pictured below, was an answer to a prayer. Some months before, my darling Brandy (also pictured below) died from cancer at nearly 18. Jem was about to be taken to the pound as she was the 'unwanted' one in her litter. It was love at first sight for the two of us and I'm sure Brandy sent her to us knowing our hearts needed to be made full again. :)

Brandy...plotting out a suitable revenge for putting flowers on her head ;)

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

Jemma... the pocket rocket from hell. This loveable kid moves like greased lightening !

Bad hair day or is she simply not amused ?

RULES THAT CATS LIVE BY

BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything; Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair or bed quickly. If you cannot manage in time get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a human's bare foot

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

Please seriously think about adopting one of these adorables featured on the left from your local shelter. Just refresh the page to see more or click on the featured pet's pic.

HAMPERING: When human is working at computer,jump up on desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress

My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her ~ Collette

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human mind. ~ Cleveland Amory

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